Tuesday, February 3, 2015

This Old Body

My body is letting me down today.  This happens quite often.  I wake and know that something's not right.  Living with a chronic disease is like that.

It's frustrating.

You see, I'm a type A personality.  I don't like sitting still, doing nothing.  My brain races too much when I do that.  I think of everything I should be doing.  And trust me, with six kids, that list is long.  There's always something to do.

But not today.  As you've probably noticed from my recent posts, I'm trying to live in the moment more.  To practice mindfulness.  Not only of my thoughts, but also of what my body is telling me.

Today, it's telling me I need to sleep.  I don't like that.  I want to be up writing.  I want to be productive.  But after almost 12 years of Crohn's Disease, I know Bad Things happen when I exhaust myself.  Part of my struggle with Crohn's is anemia.  Not the normal "take an iron supplement and all with be fine" anemia.  But the "you've lost so much blood you need to be hospitalized for a blood transfusion" kind of anemia.

It stinks.

So I'm being mindful.  I got the kids off to school.  I plyed a singles yarn I spun.  And now I'm crawling into bed.  I'm trying not to let it bother me, but truthfully, it's hard.

My brother and I joke that I have a Bob Vila kind of body.  If you don't know, Bob Vila fixes up old houses.  You know, the kind where something is always going wrong.

That's me.  And normally, I get upset about needing down time.  But not today.  Today, I'm going to listen to my body.  Today, I'm going to sleep.

Today I'm going to be thankful that I have a job where I can sleep when I need to.  I'm going to be thankful that the kids are all in school today, giving me time to rest.  I'm going to be thankful that Steve is home to help me.

And most off all, I'm going to be thankful that after all these years, I'm finally learning to listen to (and love) my broken down body.

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