Come on people, this is life. Rarely is anything black or white. Like everything else, adoption is full of shades of gray.
Sometimes I'm a really good mom. Sometimes I'm not.
Sometimes my kids (both biological and adopted) are great. Sometimes they're not.
Times of transition--like integrating two kids from a different country into the family--bring out the best and the worst in all of us. Keeping this in mind will save your sanity the first few weeks after you come home. You will not be perfect. In fact, you probably won't even be close to the parent you want to be. You will lose your patience. You will let your kids eat junk food because you're too tired to cook. You will park them in front of the TV, grateful that Sponge Bob transcends language and cultural barriers. You will snap at your kids and immediately regret it. You will snap at your kids and not regret it for a loooooong time because they are driving you crazy!
This has been my house for the past week. Ugly, isn't it?
Also completely normal when you bring a child home.
In adoption, I think we spend so much time preparing for the child, anticipating the child, reading travel blogs, and planning to travel that we forget the real work begins after we get home. And when it gets real, we can feel so, so alone. After all, the adoption blogs we read were full of sunshine and lollipops. Other people didn't have any problems after bringing their child home. Their kids didn't spit on them or slap them across the face while saying (in Mandarin): "I'm going to hit you until you die." All those other kids are dressed in matching outfits for an outing in the park. They're also sparkling clean when they get home. No grass stains or mud to be found.
Um, no. Not real. We sanitize our lives to appear perfect, when the truth is life is messy. It's full of mud and grass stains. We don't help anyone when we pretend otherwise. So from now on, I'm going to do my best to be Real. Both about writing and parenting. If I'm honest, that's why I haven't blogged so much. Because I thought no one would want to read about the real life struggles (and joys) we go through. It's not that I wasn't truthful before, I was. It's just that I presented things in the prettiest way possible. And I often left out the really messy bits.
Well, enough of that. I write this blog in the hopes of helping others, whether it's with writing or parenting/adoption. But I'm not any help if I scrub the reality out of my posts. It's time for me to get real.
I hope you'll stick with me. Even when it isn't pretty, because I promise, it gets better!